I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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