so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
