my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Couch. On fire.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
