if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
