By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
