He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish you could order shots online.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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