He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
