Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
