I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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