after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
