none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
