When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
