he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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