Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
