Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
