Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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