Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
