dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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