Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
