Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
