I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
