I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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