I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
