he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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