I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
