Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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