my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
