I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
