he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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