I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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