I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
