Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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