what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I touched a dick in church today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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