hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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