Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
