I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
