imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
