I showed him my bush... on skype.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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