So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he was CRYING into my vagina
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
