No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
