Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
