New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
