david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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