He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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