God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
