I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
