the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
