I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize