Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
