Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
