i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
