dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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