Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
