I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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