So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
