You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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