I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
