Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
