I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
