I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
