Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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