Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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