I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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