She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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