i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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