I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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