We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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