Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
