i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so explain again why im purple
no
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
