I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I want is dick and wine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
