Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh god it's open bar.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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