I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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