We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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