Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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