There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
