its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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