Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
