I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
