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• (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE

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• (619): View more from California

  Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.

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