someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
